Sunday, 7 August 2016

The difference between TRUE LOVE and ATTACHMENT - Thought Catalog

I did not write this, but I couldn't agree more. It's so true, so real, so specific!

Sometimes, love and attachment gets twisted into one another. Sometimes, the lines get so blurred, that you become blind to what is happening around you. And you can’t tell what is real anymore. 

But, the difference between unhealthy attachment, and true love is in fact clear as day.

Attachment is needing. It’s toxic. It’s only being ok when you are with that person. It is not being able to live without them. It is thinking that they are the reason you are on this earth. It is the idea that you are not complete without that person.

Love is falling without even realizing it. It’s slow. It’s delicate. It’s being ok without that person. It’s letting that person have their own space. It’s wanting what is best for that person, even if it means not being in their life anymore. It’s accepting that sometimes, what is best for you, is not best for them.

Attachment is clingy.

It is 24/7 thoughts of them. It is letting other relationships fade because the one with him is the most important. It is not accepting life without them. It is not being happy on your own. It is always being afraid they will leave. It is always being anxious about your future with them.

Love is accepting that what is meant to be, will be.

It is being your own person outside of that relationship. It is being happy on your own, and with your other friendships. It is not being afraid of your future with this person. Because you are confident in that love. And you are confident it will withstand anything if that is what is meant to be.
Attachment is not seeing this persons flaws. It is thinking they are pure perfection and they can do no wrong. It is defending this person even if they hurt you. It is a constant cycle of blindness.

Love is fighting. It is having real arguments about life. It is seeing this person’s flaws and accepting them. It is loving this person despite their poor qualities. It is communication about your problems. It is communication about your differences, and what makes your relationship hard. It is work. It is always hard work.

Attachment is easy. Because it isn’t real. It isn’t true love. It’s just a blurry line of insecurities and self hatred.

Love isn’t easy. It’s hard. It’s compromise. It’s sweat and tears. It’s hardships and reconciliation. It’s fights and makeups.

Attachment is just surface level communication. It is dangerous. It is believing they are the only thing that matters in your life.

Love is letting them go if that is what is needed. It is letting fate take it’s course. It is accepting that it is not meant to be. And it is being okay even if it hurts like hell. Because you know love like that will come again.And you’ll be fine. TC mark

Friday, 5 August 2016

I choose myself

Keep in mind, that I’m doing this for myself. I am choosing to be selfish because I know that I deserve to be treated however I want to be treated, I deserve to feel that the person that I chose is not setting me aside. I don't want to play the stupid mind games, if you couldn't be certain of what you are thinking, please leave me alone. 

I have come to a point in life that I actually know what I want and I will never settle for less than what I deserve (at least I think that's what I deserve!) 

Everyone has 24 hours; everyone has some emotional moments but it really depends how you see it and how you manage it. If you cannot even manage your emotions well, I don't think you can handle me because I'm far way more complicated that you think. 

After all the hoo-haas for the past years, one thing that I have really learnt and keep in mind is that I should love myself more because no one else could do that for you. If you don't love yourself, you have nothing to value about. 

self love. 
Self fulfillment of life. 
Self reflection. 
Emotionally independent. 

A note to myself:
If I start feeling less about those that I have mentioned, it's time to stay away from people and study my own mind, sort it out again before I depart for a greater journey! 

Monday, 25 July 2016


Been somehow actively joining church and cell group recently and some sharing keeps me thinking. But, dont get me wrong, i dont go to church just because I am bored or I want some company. I just have the desire to know god better (hopefully) because I feel like I'm still lack of knowledge about Him.

God uses the phrase: I am
It caught me thinking.

Because I always thought 'I am' is a simple thing to declare, like I'm a girl, I'm full, I'm chubby and the list goes on. But in God's, he really means it when he says I am!

He is everything.

Pray, Pray and Pray
There was time when I doubted on God especially when things do not go the way you have predicted or wanted. I started questioning God why He would put this heavy burden instead of anything else. If He loves me enough, why would he let me get hurt easily?

But church and cell group have taught me to PRAY.

God is a personal God who will listen to you, personally, every little things, in and out. He might not grant what you want (because we are always greedy and want more than we deserve), but He will definitely grant you what you need. Because He's the one who shapes you so he knows what's the best for you!

God might shut all the doors but still making sure you are still BREATHING
You might think that you are very important in this world. OOPS!

Too bad, you are not!

The world is still evolving and running as normal even though you have chosen to leave: a career, a relationship, friendship or anything.

Instead of complaining non stop, blaming others, dwelling in the past or trying to suggest good ideas, why not pausing for a bit and start reflecting on yourself? Yes, God is giving you challenges but that's life, He wants you to learn, to grow and to appreciate and hoping that you will actually see things from a different perspective.

God is always there for me.
I know this very, very well. He is always always there for me, all the time. That's why He is giving me all the challenges in life.

He wants to see me growing into a better person.

He wants me to complain less and start appreciating little things in life (which I have taken for granted of, all the times).

He wants me to have a kind but courageous heart. (dont put the blames on anyone, instead, see what you could do better next time and take it as an valuable lesson in life)

He wants me to know what I deserve after letting me deserving what I dont. (because we all learnt from experiences. Experiences help us to grow, to think, to evaluate and to learn.)


Father Lord Jesus,

thankyou for being by my side all these while, and forgive me again and again because I sinned. I dont deserve your love, yet you are showering me with more than what I deserve. Please continue to guide me in life because you are everything. In Jesus name I prayed. Amen. #Jesus

Tuesday, 19 July 2016

I have changed (still in progress...) 😬

Well, don't get me wrong. I have changed (perceptions especially) but I'm still me, the bubbly and chatty girl who is always willing to learn and explore! ❤️

But something caught me thinking recently. Am I still the old me? Or I have changed? If I were the old me, what can I do to make some improvements? If I have changed, do I change to a better person physically, mentally and spiritually? 

Guess those who know me from the very last time could give me some ideas about it. I myself do think that I am progressing in a positive way, trying to be a better person; forgive and let go of my past; put my future slightly less important than the NOW. 

I realized it's really important to experience the moment and make it meaningful instead of hoping it to be while you just sit there and do nothing. Although it's being said and tried to be practiced this way, I still have doubts. And these doubts are stopping to make a step ahead. Sigh. 

I guess that's the consequences of being hurt too many times. I'm a broken-hearted person. I'm still learning to forgive and let go, breathe and relax to enjoy what's going to happen. Still learning... 

Learning takes time though. 

Because I'm afraid. Afraid of being left behind, again; afraid of needing to pick up my broken pieces and seal it back like nothing has happened, again; afraid of dealing with unpredictable feelings and unmanageable emotions, again. 

Oops! Too many things to feel afraid of. Where's my courage? I always tell myself to be kind and have courage. 

But one thing that's true, leave no regrets behind because I know I have done the very best that I could! 

Jen, be strong! You know life is tough but so do you! 😎😎😎

Yeaps. Looking forward for new challenges!

Breathe, trust and let go to see what happens! Still learning 

With dignity of course! 😎

Yeaps. Exactly like that! I'm single now but I'm not lonely; I'm single now buy I'm not leftovers. Because I know out there, somewhere someone is looking for someone exactly like me. Have faith! ❤️

Sunday, 17 July 2016

What is time? 🕕

Is time a thief who steals all your precious moment?

Do you wish the clock would just stop ticking? 

Time waits for no man?

Watched Alice through the looking glass #alicethroughthelookingglass last weekend and it illustrates well how you see time and how you manage it will solely depends on you. 

Instead of thinking how you can change your past because you regretted this happened or that occurrence; or how you wish this could happen in the near future; LIVE IN THE MOMENT and learn something from it. 

Alice mentioned it clearly: "I might not be able to change the past but I will learn something from it". And I think it's more important than regretting what has happened in the past because you could never get back to that exact moment. 

So what you can do is just absorb and learn from previously mistake, then make the present more memorable! ❤️

Thursday, 16 June 2016

Be Positive! 💪🏻❤️

YEAPS! That's right.

Why are we complicating the process when we can actually embrace and enjoy the beautiful side of every struggle?

Well, said is always easier than be done. Because I'm still struggling. :X

I'm basically worry about every little things. I used to be the brave girl who would be daring enough to love and hate at the same time, who would make decision on my own and go for it and who would know what to do next. But due to ageing i guess, i tend to tone down a little and start to worry more.

but again, what's the big deal? Worry less, because God will do the rest!

Do they even existed? hahahaha. But I still choose to believe, LOVE.

I have changed, over the years, through the happy moments and struggles. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most, but also thank you for leaving me to be a stronger person now.

I'm definitely not easy to deal with. But if those who knows how to appreciate, you will definitely find it worthwhile to share the ride with me!


Ending this random post of mine with this:

See the good in everything, no judgment, no criticism but acceptance!

Thursday, 2 June 2016

Then, I realised...

My title speaks it all.

Then, I realised, everything has could change over the years.

Today is 3 June 2016, which marks my 1st anniversary with Sunway. I remembered the first day was a chaos because I did not where to park my car, I got lost in the building, I had lunch alone at the cafeteria and I thought I would be alone forever in Sunway.

Yet, today, I have made some really good and thoughtful colleagues/friends who I could share my stories with or have a good lunch over some stupid gossips. However, this also make me ponder, what have I done over the past 1 year? Am I happy with the job? Am I doing what I really love at here? How long/many more years am I going to be here? (I dont have the answer in mind!)

I talked to a long lost friend for 3.5hours last night. It was indeed a great one because in nowaday's busy schedule, basically no one is willing to sit down to listen and chat for hours. The normal one would be just yamcha.

I have known Jared for almost 7 years but we rarely   did not talk at all, the most would be just Hi and Bye and How are you? But it was a fruitful one for last night chats, we talked about everything with no judgement at all. and I like the idea that we both are not judgemental assholes.

To be honest, it was glad to be treated as an 'individual' instead of 'someone's gf'. It was then when we were both attached with someone else, so it would be awkward to talk to someone's bf about anything, everything. But yeah, I'm so glad that I could put his name in my buddies list, at least I could have someone to talk to like a buddy especially you are thousands/hundreds miles from home!

Again, then, I realised...

when you get to share your stories of your journey with someone who actually cares and tries to understand the situation is so much better than talking to anyone else because then, they understand better.